Illustration by Lars Leetaru
Hasbro says it will release a Cincinnati-themed Monopoly game in the fall and suggests it’s the first officially-licensed version. But I bought a Monopoly, Cincinnati Edition in 1998! It says “licensed by Hasbro” and has all of the copyrighted logos and pieces. Is Hasbro lying? —GO INDIRECTLY TO JAIL
DEAR INDIRECTLY:
Numerous Cincinnati versions of Monopoly have come and gone featuring the usual suspects: Fountain Square, Skyline, I-75 at a standstill, etc. But they avoid any lawsuit-triggering similarities to the real game. “Chance” cards, for instance, are “Contingency” cards. “Jail” is “Ohio River.” That’s worse than jail, actually.
By contrast, the images you sent of your 1998 Monopoly, Cincinnati Edition show direct copying of the real thing. We see the mustachioed Mr. Moneybags and Jail and Chance, plus all the playing pieces matching the game’s familiar set of head-scratching random items (a wheelbarrow, really?). And, hey, they spelled “Procter” correctly. It’s all legal, because the fine print states that it is “under license from Hasbro, Inc., ©1998.”
Hasbro probably just forgot about the 1998 game during an extended stay in Jail. Your old game came from a company called USAopoly, which today sells licensed Monopoly games based only on popular movies, TV shows, and toys. Hasbro now plans to re-launch many city-themed Monopoly games, which is probably a first step before selling the actual cities to private equity firms. Go directly to Gentrification.
When I’m at a Cincinnati parking meter/kiosk that doesn’t work (the display is totally faded or my credit cards get no response), what should I do? Leave a note? Make a video of me trying to pay? I want to avoid having to contest a ticket in a courtroom. What’s the proper way? —PARKING UP THE WRONG TREE
DEAR TREE:
Warning: Do not make a video of yourself trying to pay, however cinematic and Emmy-worthy it may be. This only proves that you have your phone, which could easily use the CincyEzPark app to pay. The Doctor suggests downloading it now. You do not want to be standing at a broken parking meter in the rain as you try to enter your credit card number, expiration date, security code, and most recent blood test results.
A few people still use coins, but the city of Cincinnati now receives the vast majority of its parking revenue the old-fashioned way: via the internet. Credit cards insert, swipe, or tap; phones and watches softly squiggle; the extra fee is small. If none of these options are available to you at a defective meter, you can hope for a benevolent cop and leave a note on your windshield. (What? You’ve got pen and paper?) The city representative we spoke with, though, suggested to simply look for another parking space. Groesbeck, perhaps?
I hope you aren’t annoyed by questions about strange-looking houses. I regularly pass a home on Compton Road in Wyoming and just have to know more about it. It’s not run-down or weird; in fact I think it’s uniquely beautiful. What’s up with it? —PROPERTY DRUTHERS
DEAR DRUTHERS:
We thank all our readers who submit their questions with attached photos and documentation. The Doctor is a very lazy busy person who appreciates the time-saving support, and he looks forward to a time when this column’s budget allows for images other than a lead illustration and a caricature. This is especially true concerning the house you have noticed.
Ironically, if you had subscribed to Cincinnati Magazine in June 2009 you would have seen our several-page pictorial celebrating the Wyoming home of Bennie and Ruth Shepard. They moved there in the 1980s, traveled widely, and carted home items and artifacts from all over. Their discoveries have become part of their inner and outer walls, windows, garage, and garden. Some inspirations came from large items found along curbs on trash day.
Ruth, who passed away last year, was a teacher and well-regarded gardener (honored by the Cincinnati Historical Society). Bennie, a retired Cincinnati firefighter, still works with wood, stone, and paint. He’s proud of his property and will happily negotiate its inclusion in the new local version of Monopoly.
Dr. Know is Jay Gilbert, radio personality and advertising prankster. Submit your questions about the city’s peculiarities here.
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