Reddit is strange. It has strange restrictions, scary beings called Redditors that virtually scorn you, and an unwieldy amount of terrible jokes. It’s essentially just a message board that doesn’t earn quite the same sort of public disdain as your run-of-the-mill obsessed fan sites. The site is broken down into categories called sub-Reddits (at least, I think that’s what they’re called), including Ask Me Anythings, where, you guessed it, people can ask other people anything. I thought this was only reserved for celebrities. Apparently, it is not. Anyone can offer to answer questions about their life from anyone. The internet is an odd organism. The point is that A.J. Green answered a bunch of (mostly the same) questions via this medium on Tuesday between toe-icing sessions. Here are the things we learned about A.J. Green, the Bengals, and woodland creatures.
A.J. Green is a juggling wizard
Green says he’s easily the best juggler on the team. He claims to have been able to juggle six items at once. Now, his max is four. The craziest thing he’s ever juggled? Cell phones. If I had to guess, probably two Razrs, a Sidekick, two iPhones, and a phablet of some variety.
Green hangs out in the offseason with former Georgia Bulldogs Akeem Dent and Justin Houston, as well as former Georgia Tech star Demaryius Thomas. Their favorite activities are eating peaches and listening to Ray Charles. Or T.I. Or maybe Ludacris. Probably Outkast. Definitely 2 Chainz.
Just kidding, A.J.’s favorite rapper is Drake
Which is weird, because Drake’s favorite wide receiver is Drake.
While we’re on the topic of rap…
Apparently, the lead vocals in a modern day remake of the Bengals 1989 classic “Who Dey Rap” would be Andy Dalton. Perhaps he could be joined by a formerly redheaded rapper.
Justin Houston probably has low self-esteem
He shouldn’t. He’s totaled 33.5 sacks in 40 career games, including seven in six games this season. But apparently he trains with A.J. and Calvin Johnson in the offseason. That probably wouldn’t make mortals feel great.
Speaking of Calvin Johnson…
Green’s top five wide receivers in the game: Calvin Johnson, Larry Fitzgerald, Dez Bryant, Demaryius Thomas, and Brandon Marshall. The Reddit patrons were unhappy that Julio Jones did not make this list.
Meanwhile, the toughest DB to face is…
Patrick Peterson. At least, that’s what I think he said. Let me check
Eh, not particularly convincing. I’m going to need to see some more evidence.
I’m just not buying it. Convince me, A.J. Convince ME.
Ah, so THAT’S what you meant. That one professional game and two games in college must have made quite the impression.
Don’t fall asleep around Leon Hall
Because he will take pictures of you. And you might be embarrassed.
A.J. would like to play a lot of golf when he retires
You are kidding yourself if you think he does anything but juggle his golf balls after sinking a 30-foot birdie putt.
Onterrio McCalebb plays with squirrels
Now onto a list of A.J.’s favorites…
Cincinnati restaurant: The Eagle
Catch: Touchdown grab in Week 1 against Baltimore. Namely because it involved juggling.
TV Show right now: Breaking Bad (he’s re-watching) and Swamp People
Receivers to watch as a kid: Randy Moss and Terrell Owens
I suppose a tiny bit of good can come from an injury after all.