A Little Pick-Me-Up After a Lost Series

Reds fans, a reminder: It’s still early. That means it’s awfully early to get worked up about losing two out of three to the Cardinals (especially after salvaging the final game in walk-off fashion). But it’s also awfully early to have this many grievances against Dusty Baker. We’ve explored his tenuous position before, and, so far, the Reds’ skipper hasn’t done himself any favors: sending Todd Frazier to AAA, keeping Aroldis Chapman in the bullpen, leaving Bronson Arroyo in long enough to turn a good start into a sour one.

If you need some catharsis, then, we recommend this 2008 article from Fire Joe Morgan. For three glorious years, the boys at FJM dissected the worst in mainstream sports writing—quoting the author’s text in bold, then adding their own hilarious commentary. In this instance, the target is a Dusty-defending column Paul Daugherty surely wishes he could have back:

The best baseball managing is done by the seat of your pants, using good, old-fashioned, pre-sabermetric logic.

If I live in Cincinnati, I have just purchased a one-way ticket to Canada, draft-fleeing-style.

That’s another reason to like Dusty Baker. (Beyond his knowledge of single-malt Scotches and Van Morrison lyrics, which is merely astounding and downright Renaissance.)

“It doesn’t matter to me if a guy gets on base if he can’t run. If he can’t run he’s just clogging up the bases. Also, in an unrelated matter, it’s a marvelous night for a moondance.” (does a shot of Lagavulin 21)

If Baker manages by a book, it’s one inside his head, not one written by Bill James.

Unfortunately, the book inside Dusty’s head is “Lightning” by Dean R. Koontz.

It gets only better from there. You don’t even need to choose between the saberguys and the gut-whisperers to enjoy it, though it’s worth noting that one group (cough, Daugherty, cough) did push to trade Joey Votto and Homer Bailey for Joe Blanton. Joe Blanton!

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