Illustration by Lars Leetaru
A large wooden bulletin board is standing at the Reading Road entrance ramp to the Norwood Lateral. It has maybe 30 sheets of paper stapled on it. But to read them I would have to park blocks away and walk back to the ramp. No thanks. Can you find the reason that big thing is there? —CAN’T READ AT READING
DEAR CAN’T:
This is a tall order. Only an obsessive nerd would immediately drive to the Reading Road ramp at the Norwood Lateral, illegally park under the overpass, trudge back to the bulletin board and read what’s there. The verdict: Don’t worry, you haven’t missed anything, unless you’re a highway construction worker wanting updates on safety regulations and employee rights.
The Doctor has determined—to his disappointment—that there is no such thing as the Federal Department of Wooden Bulletin Boards. Project contractors are themselves responsible for posting documents where workers can see them. All across the U.S., dedicated employees drag these boards around after laminating and stapling up the latest notices. The board you saw along Reading Road awaits the return of workers who have not completely finished last summer’s improvements to the Norwood Lateral (though they may be done by now). Regardless, you can be certain that every worker thoroughly reads every notice, as surely as you and I thoroughly read every single Software Agreement. Click “Agree” here.
There are tall columns of window panes on the front of Union Terminal (sorry, I still call it that). Some panes open and close. How is that done? One at a time? I assume it was done manually in the 1930s, and I hope it’s motorized now. Every time I go, I look up there and can’t stop wondering. —TRAINS OF THOUGHT
DEAR TRAINS:
The Cincinnati Museum Center (sorry, we call it that) has inspired a surge of questions ever since its cameo appearance in the new Superman movie (sorry, he calls it the Hall of Justice). But only an obsessive nerd would fixate on the minutiae of every single window pane at the grand entrance. The Doctor counts 1,242 of them. Thirty “sash operator” cranks can open and close 230 panes, a detail the Doctor unearthed on page 57 of the original Union Terminal blueprints from June 1, 1931.
And that’s just on the inside. There’s an outer layer of windows that stay closed (the HVAC works hard enough, thank you). Currently there are 94 inside panes tilted open, helping the rotunda’s air flow. The open-close procedure is motorized, al
though you guessed correctly that it was once a manual task: 30 hand-cranks distributed among six of the 12 levels. And what about washing those 2,484 windows? This looks like a job for Superman! Or an obsessive nerd.
In Mt. Adams, there’s an alley with a street sign that says “Duval St.” But it’s not a real street, or even an alley; it’s only about three feet wide and fenced off. The sign is beside a little bar, and I guess they had a reason for putting it there. Where is the real Duval Street, and what’s on it? —STREET SENSE
DEAR SENSE:
Our Parrothead readers mercifully forgive your ignorance. Duval Street is the main drag in Key West, Florida, where the career of Jimmy Buffett began its rise. Monk’s Cove in Mt. Adams displays the street sign as their not-entirely-convincing representation of that famed thoroughfare, celebrating the spirit (and spirits) of Jimmy’s legendary lifestyle. As for what’s to be found on the real Duval Street, only an obsessive nerd would book a flight to Key West just to walk along there. The Doctor was refused a budget for that trip, and so must rely on a scroll through Google Street View.
The official Historic Seaport District has many unique shops and attractions such as Starbucks, Ben & Jerry’s, CVS, Wendy’s, Walgreens, Häagen-Dazs, and another CVS. No, really, the majority of establishments are unique and charming tributes to Jimmy Buffett’s legendary life. Perhaps a small bar there has a street sign celebrating Cincinnati that says “Pete Rose Way” or perhaps “THIS IS CHILI, DAMMIT!”
Dr. Know is Jay Gilbert, radio personality and advertising prankster. Submit your questions about the city’s peculiarities here.
Facebook Comments