In their infinite wisdom/insanity, the Cincinnati Bengals granted your humble correspondent the chance to cover the Battle of Ohio in person instead of from my usual perch outside Atlanta. So this version of my weekly Bengals column originates, for the first time, from the press box at Paycor Stadium.
Sunday certainly was a perfect day for football: sunny and brisk but windless, just classic pigskin weather. It was all I could do on the walk to the stadium not to grab one of the many balls being tossed around at tailgates and plow into the nearest fan. It was so nice at kickoff that I lamented being behind the plate glass in the press box instead of outdoors chanting “Who Dey!” with the masses. Alas, games tend to take on a muffled, aquarium feel in there, though some atmosphere seeped in, like the dude just below my window who yelled “Fumble!” on every kickoff return, trying his best to speak (or scream) it into existence.
The Bengals entered the game with its playoff doorway barely ajar—wide enough to slip a few pieces of paper through, but not an entire ream from Staples. Cincinnati’s 24-6 victory over the desolate Browns was seldom in doubt, but little changed in the big picture scenario. Making the postseason will still take an improbable combination shot off the rail, but all the Bengals can do is win their own games. They did just that with sputtering efficiency on Sunday.
The Joe Burrow/Ja’Marr Chase/Tee Higgins combo is now 3-0 when they come out for coin toss as a unit, though giving up a 66-yard run by Jerome Ford on the game’s first play was an ugly start. D’Onta Foreman fumbled a few plays later at the goal line, fortunately, a 2022-esque red zone turnover forced by Vonn Bell. An eight-play, 99-yard drive ensued, culminating with a classic ridiculous Burrow play as he tripped over a lineman’s feet, went prone like Tom Cruise in the first Mission Impossible, and found Higgins for a TD just before hitting the ground. Even by Joey B standards, it was insane. In the postgame press conference he even shook his head at its ridiculousness while, true to form, critiquing himself for not lifting his feet enough before tripping.
The most important aspect of the game was Cleveland’s utter ineptitude on offense, thanks to starting third-string quarterback Dorian Thompson-Robinson. Like the old football saying goes, if you have a quarterback with two surnames, you really have no quarterback (or something like that). DTR was inaccurate, rushed, heavily pressured, and only occasionally able to use his legs to create yardage. After the long run, the Browns managed just 20 yards on 18 first half plays.
The ironic highlight of the first half was Cade York blasting a 59-yard field goal at the gun to give Cincinnati a 17-0 lead and tie Evan McPherson’s franchise record. York, of course, was drafted by Cleveland to be a lakeside Money Mac and failed miserably. His record boot was greeted with howls of snorting derision and “Of course, now he makes it!” scoffing from the Browns media in the press box.
With Orlando Brown not playing yet again and Amarius Mims gimpy with an ankle injury (which caused a brief dustup on the Bengals sideline when Mims tried to go in and OL coach Frank Pollack bodily prevented him from doing so), the Bengals went into reverse in the second half. It was a desultory period of blah football that didn’t turn into disaster only because DTR gave out holiday gifts to the Bengals secondary and pass rush. He threw a pair of interceptions, including one Jordan Battle snagged in the end zone just when it seemed Cincinnati would have a game on its hands; took five sacks and was thrown for a loss on several runs; and was basically single-handedly responsible for his team’s defeat.
At a certain point I called for the Bengals to voluntary relinquish any playoff chance they still retained, so ugly was the second half. But then several positive moments took place.
Geno Stone got an interception, a celebration capped by a pair of Bengals performing impressive cartwheeling backflips. Perhaps our sights should be set not on the NFL postseason but on the summer Olympics.
Burrow found Andrei Iosivas for a long bomb on the perimeter, with Yoshi displaying a veteran push off move on Denzel Ward to create separation. Iosivas caught a TD pass earlier in the game as well; his development has come in fits and starts this season, but only 19 receivers in the league have more TD receptions than his six.
One of them is Chase, of course, and he added to his phenomenal 2024 stat line with a late TD (his 16th of the season) on a free play after Burrow’s cadence got the Browns to jump offside. Chase said afterward he wasn’t even supposed to be in the game for the play but was obviously glad he was sent in there.
On Cleveland’s penultimate drive right before the Chase TD, both of Cincinnati’s rookie tackles, Kris Jenkins and McKinnley Jackson, sacked DTR, while another rookie whose name begins with a “J,” Cedric Johnson, forced an intentional grounding penalty. The Flying Js are showing some promise late in the season, obviously a positive sign, and the fact they did well against a team owned by Jimmy Haslem, shady operator of the Flying J truck stop franchise, was an irony I personally delighted in.
So the 18-point win was a bit flattering given Cincinnati’s play, but at the same time not nearly enough of a rout given the utter mismatch at quarterback. The late TD bomb to Chase made up for the previous Sunday’s allowance of a meaningless score on the last play by the Titans, boosting Cincinnati’s point differential to +30. The other 7-8 teams in the AFC, Miami and Indy, are -24 and -41, respectively.
So the flickering playoff hopes remain alive for another weekend, with Saturday’s game against the Broncos the biggest of the season to date. You probably have the lottery numbers memorized by now: Cincinnati needs to beat Denver and Pittsburgh, have the Broncos lose to K.C. in Week 18, and have both the Colts and Fish lose one of their remaining two games.
Frankly, none of those requirements feels likely. Indy plays the hapless Giants and Jags, while Miami plays these same Browns and the Jets. K.C. has wrapped up the No. 1 seed before playing the Broncos, and even if Cincinnati can defeat Sean Payton’s crew at home, what could be more Bengals than having it all miraculously fall into place only to lose to the damn Steelers?
Nevertheless, the Bengals’ locker room resounded with hope after beating the Browns, and somehow the team has made it to Christmas without being eliminated from the playoffs. Yes, they’ve done so by feasting on craptastic quarterbacks and haven’t mightily improved upon the issues that plagued them in tumbling to a 4-8 record, but at least they salvaged some pride and, possibly, some jobs here and there. And it was certainly fun to see a defeat of the hated team from up north in person on Sunday, even if I never got to hit anybody.
Happy holidays to everyone!
Robert Weintraub heads up Bengals coverage for Cincinnati Magazine and has written for The New York Times, Grantland, Slate, and Deadspin. Follow him on Twitter at @robwein. Listen to him on Mo Egger’s show on 1530AM every Thursday at 5:20 p.m.
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