COURTESY OF GUINNESS
Last Sunday, Joe Burrow volunteered at La Soupe Cincinnati, a local kitchen that rescues perishables from nearby groceries and farms, then turns it into fresh meals that feed those who are hungry and impoverished in our local community. The volunteer appearance was part of his ongoing partnership with Guinness—who, if you recall, put him in a Guinness 0 commercial with fellow quarterback legend Joe Montana last year. Sunday’s event kicked off the local Guinness St. Patrick’s Day celebrations, where the brand will be offering glass engravings and retail samplings at various Kroger locations in the Cincinnati area.
Afterwards, Burrow sat down for a Q&A, where we asked him the most important question he’s ever heard from a member of the press: what’s his personal top 5 characters in Super Smash Brothers Ultimate? For those unaware, Burrow has spoken about his love for Nintendo’s brawler multiple times throughout his career—in 2023, he even said he plays every Saturday night before the next Sunday’s game. Watch the video below and scroll down for our analysis of Burrow’s picks.
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One surprising trend in Joey B’s list: four of the five characters he chose have the lowest movement speed or heaviest weight values in the game, and almost all have low startup times that require a slower playstyle and careful deployment of attacks—the total opposite of his quick-trigger arm in 2023, where he got the ball out of his hands in 2.36 seconds on average. A trend that matches up with the Bengals road to the championship every year, though, is the quality of characters he’s chosen. Only two of his favorites are considered average, falling in the B-tier in the official pro list of best characters; the rest are considered below-average or even just straight-up bad. It’s no surprise given his competitive nature, but it seems Burrow enjoys the Smash equivalent of the challenge of playing every single playoff game on the road.
5. Donkey Kong
Like many of the characters on this list, Donkey Kong is considered a heavyweight in Smash—in fact, only Bowser and King K. Rool are heavier. Despite his surprisingly fast aerial speed and a varied number of offensive options, most of his moves are easily punishable if an opponent predicts them early on. For football fans that are unfamiliar with Smash, consider this like having a bad offensive line.
4. Inkling
The only character on this list that isn’t on the slower side, Inkling is lacking in power but is one of the fastest and most deceptive characters in the game. Her playstyle is “death by a thousand cuts,” and often depends on quickly reading the opponent’s moves then following up with repeated short, low-damage hits. Imagine it like throwing checkdowns over and over, and you’ll see why this character ended up on our favorite QB’s list.
3. Byleth
The strongest character on Joe Cool’s list—according to the pros, he falls in B-minus tier—Byleth is described by the game’s creator as a “distance demon” who punishes players that fail to properly defend or counter his long-range attacks. Several of the swordsman’s attacks are massive chunk plays that can end the match before it starts, if they aren’t dealt with. Basically, his playstyle is pretty similar to a Burrow-to-Chase 60-yarder, except sometimes you set up what feels like it should be a game-winner and end up getting sacked in the Super Bowl.
2. Ness
Eagle-eyed Bengals fans will remember that Joe Burrow wore a Ness and Incineroar sweatshirt prior to Week 3’s game against the Rams and had previously revealed before last year’s AFC Championship that Ness is his “main,” or favorite character. (We’re sorry to be the ones to break the news that he’s been bumped to number 2.) Ness is yet another brawler-type character and is notably one of the strongest in the game when fighting in the air, similar to Burrow’s pass-heavy playstyle.
1. Incineroar
Perhaps the most interesting choice on Joe Burrow’s list, Incineroar is considered by Smash fans to be one of the worst characters, and the pick drew some confused comments when we posted our video on Instagram. The fiery Pokémon heavyweight deals incredibly high damage but is incredibly easy to dodge once you figure him out; basically, he’s a character that new players hate to play against, but has a significant disadvantage against veterans. Maybe the other Bengals are bad at Smash, and Joey B feasts in their locker room showdowns? Or maybe it’s his favorite because the character has a strong similarity to the Bengals logo? Whatever his reasoning, it proves—like we already knew—that Burrow always marches to the beat of his own drum.
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