In Memoriam: Johnny Cueto’s Instagram

 

 

Johnny Cueto is gone, at least as far as Reds fans are concerned. And with him goes one of the greatest Instagram feeds of our modern world. You see, Cueto is—was—more than an artist every fifth day on the mound, using that right arm to turn a strike zone canvas into a masterpiece. He was a family man. An incredible/questionable fashionista. A lover of nature and animals and Red Lobster. A purveyor of seduction, a Siren calling to Odysseus from the rocks. If a picture paints a thousand words, Johnny, then we have neither the time nor space nor ability to do your Instagram photos justice. Instead, we offer a look back at our favorites, an ode to our ace of diamonds and king of hearts, gone, sadly, but certainly not forgotten.

But first, hit play:

 

There was Johnny with his family…


Johnny the dog whisperer…

 

  Johnny hanging out in what looks to be a third-world country…

    Johnny getting yolked…

Johnny looking turnt in front of minivans…

    …and mall fountains…

…and in hospital beds…

    …and while smoking a cigar and wearing a leopard-print shirt that says “BEAST” in front of a picture of himself…

Johnny being seductive…

Johnny wearing ridiculous outfits…

…with a purse…

    …or while buying a cell phone…

…or in the parking lot of a Red Lobster…

    And finally, Johnny with the Royals…

A crown fit for a king. So long, Johnny Beisbol. It’s better to have loved and lost… *hits Unfollow button*

Justin Williams is an associate editor at Cincinnati Magazine. You can follow him on Twitter at @Williams_Justin.

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