1. Shishito peppers: Enough already with this cursed capsicum! Mostly mild mannered, one in 10 can scorch your sinuses.
2. Filthy bathrooms: If the bathroom looks like a bomb went off, you can bet the kitchen isn’t being cleaned by Marie Kondo. That said, we could easily spend a long weekend in one of Boca’s über-natty WCs.
3. Skimpy pours: There’s only one thing worse than a man stingy with affection; a man with a skimpy pour. The magnanimous restaurateur’s answer is the 250 mL quartino. Naturally, the price matches the increased volume, but we love not having to ration ourselves to minuscule sips while waiting for the next course.
4. Kale: Lacinato, it’s been real, but it’s high time to cede the spotlight to the ever-sprightly frisee. Can we get a lardon, anyone?
5. Molecular gastronomy: “After a hard day, all I really want is to tuck into three gelatinous globules of sea urchin essence served under a glass dome piped full of wild juniper smoke.” Said absolutely no one ever.
6. Bitchy hipster service: It’s called the hospitality business for a reason. Excessive piercings, tattoos, and ironic facial hair do not earn you a special dispensation. Nor does living in your parents’ basement. Head to Abigail Street, Orchids, and Jean-Robert’s Table to see real pros in their native habitats.