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Steve Kissing

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Going With the Flow

OCT09 OMO imgIt’s not the kind of thing we typically talk about in mixed company, but you might be surprised to learn that a men’s room can be a fascinating place. Even putting aside those behaviors that resulted in Senator Larry “Wide Stance” Craig getting caught with his pants down, there’s still plenty to talk

Pretty in Pink


SEP09 OMOI am rare among men. I actually clothes shop successfully for my wife, and I enjoy doing so. For most men, clothes shopping for themselves is a headache-inducing hassle, but doing so for their wife or girlfriend usually amounts to torture worthy of Amnesty International’s attention. I used to be such a guy. Not anymore

Sentimental Education


AUG09 Exurbs OMO imageHigh school is the best and worst of times, that at once liberating and awkward period between youth and adulthood where everything can feel so right and yet go so wrong. When I think about my four years at Elder High School, I mostly feel pleased that I survived, and that I managed, despite myself, to get

You a Poet? Don’t Blow It


JUL09 OMO imageI can pinpoint exactly when I concluded that poetry sucks. It was 1980 in a high school English class. I was three or so pages into Beowulf.

Despite such useful words-to-live-by as “Drunk, he slew no hearth companions...,” that dense classic was enough to convince this so-so stu

Funny Gal

 MAY09 OMO imageMy younger brother David was born with a pronounced cone-shaped head. When we were kids, my mom explained that David’s skull was so misshaped at birth that the doctors had no choice but to perform a rare and risky total head transplant. Mom even had proof: A photo of David taken hours after his delivery. The

Best Friends Forever?

APR09 OMO image

You can never have too many friends. It’s something my parents and grandparents used to tell me. Perhaps your own elders fed you the same advice. As true as that adage may have been back in the day, it’s patently false now, as anyone with a Facebook page knows. Facebook, for the unini

Dr. Doom, I Presume


MAR09 OMO imagePoll my friends, family, and colleagues and they will overwhelmingly concur that I am a positive, hopeful, glass-half-full kind of guy. I’ve always been optimistic. I’ve always had to be. Without natural good looks, hand-eye coordination, or contagious charm, I’ve had to believe in a better tomorrow or I would have give

Rock of Aged

JAN09 OMO imageAs a budding cynic in the 1970s, I remember sneering gleefully at those who listened to “the oldies.” I couldn’t grasp why anyone would want to listen to any of that musty crap from the ’40s, ’50s, and ’60s. Hadn’t these geez

Call Me Mr. Thrifty

When the U.S. stock market experienced its bad home loan–induced seizure in September, a trillion dollars went “ka-poof!” faster than donuts at a Weight Watcher’s meeting. Many of us felt the impact—if not immediately in our wallets, certainly in our future plans as our 401(k)s, college savings, and o

He Also Ran

As I write this column in mid-September, I already know that by the time Election Day arrives, I will have formally ended my independent campaign for the Presidency of the United States of America. Having raised less than $700, and secured firm commitments from fewer than an estimated 275 voters, it&r
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