Ben Bergin

In related news, much as I adore almost everything about American sports, one small quibble comes whenever any American athlete “flops” or “dives.” General horror is expressed (quite rightly!) at such un-American behaviour, and much note is given to how “European,” “British,” or “soccer-style” such cheating is. Undoubtedly soccer is plagued by diving (and, in turn, many Brits lay the blame with "greasey Johnny Foreigner"), and though rugby has provided us with the most creative examples (a big game last year was marred somewhat with a scam that involved fake blood capsules hidden in a sock), the practice is, we feel, somewhat more worldly than anglo-centric. Any soccer-loving Brit, for example, feels somewhat insulted to be told how English it is whilst watching Derek Jeter head to first base after being “hit” by a pitch that sailed three inches past his elbow, or if one has watched, say, more than eight seconds of professional basketball. Kudos then to Jerome Simpson for highlighting the cross-cultural, multi-sport appeal of the flop, in a performance to make Two And A Half Men seem subtle and nuanced. Well done Rome, and thank you.

Poor AJ Green. Hard not to feel sorry for him really. As he leapt approximately thirty eight feet through the air to snatch the catch that won the match (I’m discovering Dr. Seuss; bear with me) it was clear that, unlike most of us, he hadn’t spent Thursday afternoon eating mountains of pumpkin pie. Not for him an extra three turkey sandwiches. No piles of stuffing and gravy for AJ. Oh no.

Man Of The Match: Jerome Simpson. Funny choice perhaps, but this isn’t just for his huge numbers, for his spectacular juggling catch to set up the first touchdown or his fifty yarder to give us a shot at the end. Coming into the game without the Bengals number one receiver, and with question marks over Simpson’s inconsistency and off-the-field issues he not only came up clutch but, when Dalton was picked off in the third quarter, he sprinted after Ravens corner back Jimmy Smith, punched the ball out from under his arm and – if not for the plodding presence of the referee – could very well have negated the turnover. Symptomatic of the way he played all game.

In some ways I hate the Ravens even more than I do the Steelers. OK, that’s not true, but it’s close. I hate Joe Flacco because he’s as over-rated as The Social Network and looks like a vampire. I don’t enjoy that CBS decided to cut repeatedly to shots of him picking his ear. Nobody needs to endure that when they’re losing in the fourth quarter. I don’t like that Terrell Suggs is an orc (ok, enough with comparing the Ravens to evil mystical creatures) and I’m not a fan of the growing number of Harbaughs in the league. They’re practically running wild (though the Ravens’ John is infinitely classy).

Who's Afraid Of The Big Bad Wolf?

Rookie Of The Year: Andy Dalton sneaks it from A.J. Green. Though Green has been spectacular, Dalton has led from the front (and frequently, in the fourth quarter, from behind). His intangibles and his, erm, extangibles (?) enabled the Carson Palmer mega-trade to take place.

"Something Changed"

It’s easy to hate Pete Carroll: If college football were World War II, he’d be Italy. (“Ooh you tweet the songs you listen to? You know who else does that? Eleven year olds.”) It is, I discovered today, easy to hate Seattle, when you spend all week listening to raptures about their incredible noisy fans. Why the fans are so hyper I don’t know, but possibly it’s from all that coffee they drink there. (Also, I’m not convinced that a seahawk is a real animal. It sounds made up and Word doesn’t recognize it) It’s easy to hate NBC when, as they did today, they describe the Bengals as “pesky,” as if NBC were the creepy fairground owner in Scooby Doo.

Today the Bengals made headlines twice; once as a player had his suspension reduced, the other as Mike Brown pulled off a stunningly, brilliantly one-sided trade to help the team. In other breaking news, Marvin Lewis will be actually answering a question at a press conference, Nicholas Cage filmed a movie I’d be interested in watching, a Kardashian sister started a relationship with somebody who doesn’t play in the NBA, and Robert Pattinson finally found the cure for cancer that he’s been working on for several months.

Andy Dalton's statistics this week were ridiculous. It's incredible that, with at least five catchable dropped passes he still went 25-for-32 and achieved as many wins in his first six games as the Bengals did all of last year. He deserves every bit of credit available and certainly goes toe-to-toe with Cam Newton, despite the fact that this is Dalton's first year of professional quarterbacking. Reggie Nelson continues to make electric defensive plays. Carlos Dunlap put his own marauding seal on the victory. Nate Clements FG block capped his best game since arriving against some dangerous Colts receivers. But the reason Dalton was able to general the game so effectively was down to two men: Andrew "How Is It Still Possible That He's Not All-Pro" Whitworth and Andre "Ooooooh that's why we took him number 6" Smith. The Colts much-vaunted pass-rushing duo of Freeney and Mathis (you can literally hear the commentators salivating when mentioning their names) didn't get so much as a sniff of Dalton. The Bengals won the game. WIll anybody mention these two nationally? No. Great. Let them keep doing that all season, quiet but impenetrable.