Because Brandon Phillips Got Jokes

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Brandon Phillips has no filter. The man always speaks his mind. It’s part of the reason we were stoked to have him as the subject of our cover story for the magazine’s August issue, written by some troglodyte who is obviously vain enough to link to his own article in a blog post. The issue went on newsstands throughout the city yesterday, so go buy a copy or twelve.

True to form, Phillips didn’t hold anything back when I met with him for the piece, by far the most candid athlete I’ve ever interviewed. Naturally, it caused a bit of controversy, but I hope it also allowed for some genuine insight into Phillips’s personality.

We couldn’t quite fit every quip and entertaining quote into the piece, but fret not. Below is a collection of Phillips’s comments that ended up on the cutting room floor, including his thoughts on the Philadelphia Phillies, the Kardashians, and the city of Cleveland.

On interacting with fans…
“The only time I don’t like taking pictures or signing autographs is when I’m eating. When I have food in front of me—I love you, but I don’t love you at the time. When I’m eating, that’s the only time I don’t like it. Or don’t try to pop up at my house.”

On keeping his Twitter feed PG-rated…
“The thing is, I try my best not to cuss [on Twitter]. When I want to say shit, I just put the little poop symbol on the iPhone. The emoji or whatever the freak it’s called, with the eyes on it. The Mr. Hanky.”

On the difference between playing for the Reds and playing for the Cleveland Indians…
“Oh I love Cincinnati compared to Cleveland. Especially in the city. There was really nothing to do in Cleveland, man. There’s a million things you can do here. I mean it’s all about the person and finding things to do, but Cleveland? Nah. See that’s when the flats was down there. I don’t know what happened to the flats, that place is done. LeBron made Cleveland better, but when he left, it just went back to normal.”

On, well, Willie Lump Lump…
“My daddy used to say it. You don’t wanna be looking like Willie Lump Lump. Well no I don’t. It sounds terrible.”

On Reds third baseman Todd Frazier…
“Todd Frazier is one of my best friends on the team. He’s probably my best friend in Major League Baseball. He’s my boy. Ebony and Ivory, that’s what everybody calls us. We’re always together, we’re always doing crazy stuff. It’s like a bromance. But he’s the girl, I’m the man.”

On the lack of African-American players in the MLB…
“Yuh, and they all play for the Phillies. (laughs) The whole team is black, my gosh. I have no idea what happened. I don’t know what they’re doing up there, but all the bros are on that team.”

On kids today…
“Kids now, they don’t go outside like they used to. They don’t go outside and play sandlot ball or kickball or hide-and-go-seek. They’re always inside, playing the Wii, got the iPads. Always watching reality TV. That’s who the most famous people in the world are, reality TV, this stupid crap on TV. They wanna watch the damn Kardashians. You gonna watch some people that get known for the wrong reasons? C’mon. I feel like TV’s the devil. When I get home from a game, if I didn’t make a Top Play or do something positive, I don’t turn the TV on. (pause) I’ll watch a movie. (laughs)”

On why the ladies love BP…
“They love my swag. I fell in love with my money, they fell in love with my swag. Let’s say that. (laughs)”

 

The August 2013 issue is on newsstands now.
Photograph by Ryan Kurtz

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