In this question from the June 2012 issue, Dr. Know comiserates with a reader whose lovely flora are being eaten by some not-so-lovely fauna—our roaming deer population.
Once again the deer are destroying my landscaping. If I got a kid’s BB gun, could I shoot at them? Is that legal in the city?—Desperate Gardener Dear Gardener:You could, but you may not. Cincinnati City Council years ago sagely decided that since you could put a guy’s eye out with a BB gun, a BB gun would have to be considered a dangerous weapon, and therefore was not to be discharged anyplace where it might have an actual effect. Now, the Doctor is thoroughly sympathetic with your desire to keep ungulates at bay. He himself hires undocumented migrant workers at great personal expense to keep the bloody creatures out of his euonymus atropurpureus in spite of those workers’ effect on his almost-certain Supreme Court nomination. But understand that if you do decide to go ahead with your violent action, you will have far better results with that BB gun if you walk up and clobber Bambi either in the private parts or somewhere around the kidneys than if you actually discharge that “Dangerous Weapon,” since the effect of a BB on anything other than Bambi’s—the Doctor has to say it—eyeball (a tough shot for an amateur) will not even slow down his chewing.
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