In this question from the January 1012 issue, Dr. Know illuminates CPD history and notes that the times, they are a-changed.Everyone jokes that all of the city’s policemen are graduates of Elder High School. If that’s so, where do the CPD’s female officers come from? —Block Watcher
Dear Watcher:This “Everyone” you’ve been talking to, does he actually joke? The Doctor is curious. In his experience there is very little joking in Cincinnati. Oh, there is a lot of good humor and pleasantness, but jokes do not abound. Not like other cities. Piety, however, we’ve got. Perhaps it is not possible to have a pious culture at the same time as a joking culture. Perhaps magisterial rulers come cracking down on the knuckles of the witty from the very earliest days of primary school, particularly on the conspicuously pious west side.
To answer your question, there was a time long ago—before political and legal directives expanded hiring beyond Bavarian and Austrian manhood—that Elder High School supplied a substantial share of the force. Diversity in olden times meant that the chief’s position was traded back and forth between alumni of Elder and Western Hills. But generations of what would have been Elder boys have moved out beyond Covedale and Bridgetown, making Elder a long trip. And thanks to a craven city council, city employees no longer need to come from the city. Nowadays when one receives a summons, it is as likely to come from the hand of an Oak Hills or Winton Woods graduate as it is from a Panther. Or, if the summoner is a woman, she could just as easily be an alumna of Withrow or Princeton as she is of Elder’s sister academy Seton. You are, in the Doctor’s experience, very, very unlikely to be begging for mercy from a graduate of Ursuline or SCPA. Why that is I leave to you. The Doctor doesn’t handle hot-button social issues.
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