Week 8 Recap: Hardly a Battle

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At halftime of the Bengals–Jets game, CBS inexplicably cut to a painting of some British troops being killed in the War of Independence/Revolutionary War. (Ok, technically ALL the troops in that war were British. It’s just that some of them were traitors. I’m just saying. Please keep reading). I still have no idea why, and frankly, I don’t care. If the biggest complaint I have about a game is the presence of some anti-English artwork during the interval, well, then that’s fine and dandy with me. Whatever was inflicted on the English during that picture can’t have been much worse than the agony currently being inflicted on England by the NFL, which has forced poor Brits in London to suffer through a veritable ‘Who’s Who’ of hideously bad teams—Jaguars, Rams, Steelers, all of the worst ones.

Anyways, so dominant were the Bengals from top to toe that Jets DB Antonio Cromartie’s wife tweeted that Andy Dalton was making the Jets look like a Pop Warner team. This is pretty shocking stuff. Not how good Andy was, but that Antonio Cromartie has a wife. Cromartie famously had—by last count—at least 10 children (possibly 12, according to reports) with 8 different women, and was famously caught on Hard Knocks a few seasons ago trying to remember all of their names. So, you know, maybe not classic husband material, but his wife’s analysis was still pretty much spot-on.

Dalton was elite, racking up 250 yards and 4 TDs before CBS had cut to that damn painting. At one point, it seemed like the Jets would never get a first down. Wide receiver Marvin Jones, who previously had scored four times in his whole career, bagged four in a day. Things got so wild that at one point Rey Maualuga made an instinctive, aggressive, and successful play. Hell, Chris “Doormat” Crocker ran back an interception for a touchdown. Dare I say it? The Bengals were  so dominant, they were almost (ALMOST!) boring.

AJ Green had another one hundred yard game, young DT Brandon Thompson bagged his first sack, Pacman Jones ran back another interception for a score, and none of these things had any place in this report except to say that the Bengals were so good that these very good things had no place in my report!

Inevitably, the media coverage will eviscerate the Jets and pay scant lip service to record-setting performances from Dalton and Jones against a defense that was second in the league prior to Sunday. And that’s just fine. If the team can hang up 40 point victories and carry on under the radar, can dominate so completely teams with winning records, can quietly move to a 2.5 game lead in the AFC North…well, then you can show me all the paintings you want of that war. Well, you say “war.” For us it was more of a “skirmish.” But whatever. I’m off to watch The Patriot. Love that movie. See you all on Thursday when the Bengals play the Dolphins on Halloween.

Bengals 49, Jets 9

Man Of The Match: Andy Dalton was imperial, the whole team was superb. But Marvin Jones and his breakout game—four receiving touchdowns and taking the pressure of AJ Green in such stunning fashion—gets him the game ball.

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