When Andy Dalton stared across the sidelines at Paul Brown Stadium on Sunday afternoon, he saw a version of himself. Carson Wentz, the rookie quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles, looked impressive in the season’s first few weeks, but he has since floundered away from home and seemed overwhelmed at times. But more importantly than that, at least as far as Dalton is concerned, Wentz is a fellow redhead. Ginger athletes are rare; ELITE ginger athletes are goddamn unicorns. Dalton has been firmly perched atop the NFL’s ginger throne since 2011 (and don’t give me Jimmy Graham as a counter; his hair hue to production ratio doesn’t come close to Dalton’s). Wentz is the first real threat to usurp him. And kids, Andrew Timothy Dalton is not one to take the crown lightly. He unleashed one of the best performances of his career, slinging the ball across the field in defense of the crown that is his birthright. Of course, it’s basically all for not as the Bengals have all but been eliminated from playoff contention. But it felt good to know that Dalton appreciated how important this game was to his follicular fiefdom.
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